4. For The Record "I Love You."

“Just to set the record straight, I love you. There are times when I can get so engrossed in the narratives and looking for the lessons learned from struggle that the foundational truth gets lost. So, let me just make the declaration again, I love you. I want you to know that my love is unwavering. I realize that your choices, emotions, feelings, are real. I'm not certain about many things, including how or when we'll find our way back, but I hope and pray that we do. Regardless of it all, I love you.”

These stories, the words, the vulnerability, the encouragement we give to others, the community we're building here on this site—it's not about reconciliation [directly]. It's about the reality of estrangement and the deep longing that comes with it, the emptiness of that void, the ongoing cycle of grief and everything it entails, but yet eventually being able to see the beauty that remains in the world, and guiding others to see it too.

Something happens when we are going through something—we start to notice others experiencing similar. It's called confirmation bias—you're buying a car, and suddenly you start seeing that car everywhere. they were there all along, but just didn't notice them because it didn't matter to you, it had no impact on you. But once it started to matter, once you started to care, it became part of your consciousness and altered how you saw the world around you.

Pain works in much the same way. When you are going through a loss of any kind, has someone ever said “I can only imagine how you feel.” Can they really, If they've never actually experienced that same type of loss? When friends hear our story, they often say with good intentions, “I can only imagine how you feel” or even worse “I know how you feel”—it hurts because there's no way they could understand. Then, a wave of loneliness hits us as we realize that very few people around us truly understand what we are dealing with.

But then, something else happens. We start to truly see people, to recognize those who are experiencing the same pain we are. Because we have experienced the pain, the hurt, and the emotions, we can spot the signs a mile away—the retreating, depression, deflection, anger, defensiveness, withdrawal, the changes in personality. And now we have grace, empathy, and our reactions and responses to hurt people are very different. In fact, when we choose to channel our energy to meet people where they are and show love and kindness in a way that's appropriate for the situation, it can be as therapeutic for them as it is healing for us.

That's how community begins. That's how love is demonstrated. This is how we would have wanted others to treat us when we needed it the most. And this is what the The Prodigal Hope Project aims to establish—a community that shares stories that reflect the stages of the journey we're all on. We may not have all the answers, but what is certain is “We are not alone”. And along the way, there's a lot to appreciate if we have the right perspective and the right community to share it with.

“So, my love, for the record, I love you. I hope you understand that this has never changed. The stories and feelings I share are meant to uplift others, but they're always told with a thread of hope and the belief that it won't be long before I get to hug you again.”

3. Purpose In the Waiting

It's 4:01 am. Pretty typical these days to be up this early every morning. It seems to get earlier and earlier, and I have decided that if I am awake, then I my as well just get up and be awake. Don’t just lay in bed and let the thoughts run you through the mill for the next two hours because that is seriously torture, an emotional fatigue that I can do without. So I get up and get on with the day. Focus my mind on purposeful things.

And so here we are, it's 4:03am on Saturday morning and all I can think about this morning is the dad waiting. Just waiting. The story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) is a well-known Bible story even if you are not someone of faith, and it is widely centered around the son.

But the dad, getting on with his day, running the household and taking care of business, all the while still waiting, hopeful, maybe even expectant ("watching from afar"). Was he anxious, frustrated, confused, emotional, questioning, floundering, or even angry and feeling betrayed? I don’t know. I bet in the earlier moments he felt those things because he is human! I am sure those words described cycles of his day from time to time because he is human. But, he clearly got on with his day, ran his business, and made a success of it given he had wealth enough to throw a big party (a feast, celebration), had staff to pull it off on a whim (servants), designer clothes on the ready (the robe and sandals), and it all must have been pretty extravagant since the older brother was jealous that this was his Dad’s response.

"...to celebrate his son's return, stating "for this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found." This demonstrates the father's immense joy upon his son's return and his readiness to forgive and forget his son's past actions."

So it's 4:20am now and I wonder how the dad did it. Getting on with his day-to-day, his family, running his business, and dealing with his staff as a boss, interacting with his network of other businessmen and landowners? What were his quiet moments like? How did he get to that place where he could have “immense joy” when his son returned, and perhaps while he waited from afar?

I have been learning that there is a hole, for sure, that can’t be filled with anything else. And so, like this Dad, I will wait. But I have also found that there can be joy in the waiting. You can find purpose in your day-to-day while you wait. Purpose is that fuel that allows you to put one foot in front of the other. Purpose is a word of action and intent. It is a kinetic word that builds up and then explodes into powerful reactions that have endless possibilities if directed at the right things. When I learned that purpose, once defined, can be directed, it changed my world.

I can imagine that the Dad had to make a decision after a bit of grieving to have a renewed purpose, focused on family, his home, his business, his relationships & friendships, and even himself, all while waiting. Putting your focus on one thing takes your mind off the other.

Studies show that a purposeful focus on helping others can lead to reduced levels of stress and depression, improved mood, increased self-esteem, and even a longer lifespan. In addition, it can foster a sense of community and connection with others, further enhancing well-being. [1]

Clearly, it worked for him. He was portrayed as a loving and forgiving father with character traits of compassion, being generous and celebratory, patient and understanding, all developed while waiting.

It's now 5:11am, and my question is this. I get it that there is a hole that needs to be filled, but in the waiting, how are you going to define yourself? Is all that built-up emotional energy destructive? Or can you find a way to redirect it towards a new purpose?

What’s your renewed purpose today? And where does that need to be applied or directed toward?

Yourself. Family. Work. Relationships. Altruism [other people]. These are the big rocks in your life that could use some purpose and if played right you will find "reduced levels of stress and depression, improved mood, increased self-esteem, a longer lifespan, a sense of community and connection with others, further enhancing YOUR well-being." * That is joy in the waiting.

Purpose is the key ingredient to finding Joy in the Waiting. As we build up this community, our mission is to help each other find a greater purpose while we wait, so that we might become not only successful but also compassionate, forgiving, generous, happy, patient, and understanding people that are ready to love the ones we love the most.

References

* "Post-AltruismHappinessHealth." Greater Good Magazine, University of California, Berkeley. [Online]. Available: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/Post-AltruismHappinessHealth.pdf

* "Link Springer," Available: https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-1-4419-1428-6_1023