I'm not entirely ready to share all our story just yet. Why? Perhaps I'm hesitant to make it public, fearing it might widen the gap between us. My greatest hope is reconciliation, and my deepest fear is that this vulnerability will push her further away. Nonetheless, sharing these stories can be cathartic and healing. When we give voice to our emotions and feelings, they come alive, helping us to move forward. So, let me share a little.
We are five years in, navigating through stages of grief as if a relay race. At first, it was frightening, and we didn't know how to move forward. We sought help from friends, church leaders, ministry partners, only to [surprisingly] discover that they were not equipped to walk this journey with us.
We turned to professionally equipped, faith-based counselors. Despite my psychology degree and my belief that I could manage my own feelings, I realized this situation was beyond all that. I hoped that counseling could not only help me, but also give us some additional tools to also help and support other parents finding themselves in similar struggles.
In the waiting room at my counselor's office, I began assigning stories to the other people waiting for their sessions. I thought about who else was affected by estrangement and whether they might ever find joy amidst their sense of loss. I imagined these could be moms, wives, dads, husbands, grandparents, sisters, brothers, friends, professionals and even ministry leaders dealing with the emotional toll of estranged relationships.
The reality that hit me was the realization of who is affected by estrangement, and the question we all commonly ask that is "How can we find joy while dealing with this sense of loss?"
The challenges and emotional toll of estranged parent-child relationships are real. The individuals in this waiting room are real people, with real emotions, seeking practical ways to live their lives amidst the void created by estrangement.
When I think of the women in the waiting room, I imagine mothers serving as the emotional core of their homes, supporting their families in many aspects, all while feeling emotionally drained. I picture wives in committed marital relationships, who are discouraged, lonely, and feeling emotionally empty due to the toll of estrangement.
When I think of the men in the waiting room, I see fathers providing for their families, shouldering the burden of financial and physical security, while dealing with a tremendous loss. Husbands in committed marital relationships, distracted, low on energy, and feeling emotionally dry, while trying to navigate daily life and responsibilities.
The couples in this room were probably realizing that this type of loss can significantly challenge a marriage. As parents, we have unique relationships with our children. When we experience estrangement, our grieving processes differ, influenced by various factors.
Estrangement can feel overwhelming and seem eternal, but it's not entirely hopeless. I am a bit into statistics when it comes to this kind of stuff and women are more open to support from others, while men may be less open. In cases of estrangement or loss, it's vital for couples to intentionally navigate this challenging path together, drawing strength from their each other.
And then there are the other kids in the family, the siblings. While rightfully consumed by our pain, it's crucial to consider the impact of the estrangement on the rest of the family.
This raises questions:
How are they coping, and what support might they need?
Who provides them with emotional support?
What are their specific needs for love and care?
Is there resentment towards our distracted focus?
Are there sufficient resources available to them?
Is there enough support, both emotional and practical for everyone?
As we navigate our own story, I've realized how many others are living their own. Confirmation bias says its not till I am in my own experience that I can identify and start to see everyone elses that have been there all along. Sharing my story has been liberating in this way, and is a key part of the manifestation of the Prodigal Hope Project. We see you.
We encourage you to share your stories, so that others know they are not alone; that joy can be found in the waiting; and the hope that reconciliation can happen. In the midst of the battle, you can still love others well and lean into deep relationships with those around you.
So, I invite you share your story here. It could be the first of many steps towards healing, peace, and renewed hope.The rest of my story will come soon enough. Let's get there together.
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