Observing others and their resilience can inspire you to find joy, even in the most challenging times.
A story is an account of imaginary, real people and events that convey a message. It typically has a structure that includes a beginning, middle, and end, and often involves characters, a setting, and a plot that drives the narrative forward.
For us, our stories are hard, and some of us are at the startling beginning, the painful middle, or the unpredictable end that sometimes plays out with a happy ending and other times with the twist that leaves you saying “This was not supposed to be my story” or “This was someone else's story, but certainly not supposed to be mine”. Five years ago, that was the very words Krista and I said to each other —This was someone else’s story, the story we would pray with people at church about, or watch on TV in a Lifetime movie, Dateline, or read about on Facebook and say to each other “I saw that coming a mile away!” But when it became our story, we were in shock, completely frozen in that that moment. I remember being on stage at Hillsong Church in Mesa, Arizona, about to lead worship and getting that text from Krista, and literally walking off stage and heading right home thinking “Not my story”.
Like a thief in the night, our joy was stolen, reality shattered, and our world upside down. We did not know which way was north, the lights were out, it was dark, and we felt so alone. We could not hear anything, see anything, and even as we cried at the top of our lungs, we couldn’t make a sound—it was the shock. We had every thought, but could not really think and so we just cried for what seemed like forever, and had no more tears left when that day was done.
The message that our story conveyed at that time was brokenness, failure, anger, and confusion. The imagery was bleak and there was no structure to it, only chaos and confusion. We didn’t have a community to lean on, there were no people that understood, any pastors that truly cared, or friends that were committed for the long haul. It’s been five years since, so it would have been a lot to ask of a friend to help carry that kind of emotional weight.
We sought the counsel of lawyers, detectives, investigators, and even news outlets that would all taunt and encourage us to push forward, but it didn’t feel right at the time, and certainly not of the right motivation. It felt less inspirational and more like fuel to the flames. So we did what we felt was natural, miss her greatly, and with deep unconditional love, hope that this too would pass and we would be reunited soon.
As weeks turned to months, and birthdays marked the years, the courage to press on (emotionally) came later, as we slowly started finding the building blocks that we would cobble together, making up the “House That Healing Built”—The space that was safe for us and others to begin to that process of clinging to hope yet discovering ways to find joy in our days again. The hearth where inspiration could start to warm and penetrate the chill in our bones. This is The Finding Courage Project (.org) and My Soul Space (.org)—places where people can come together, share their stories, and find warmth and inspiration in each other's experiences. It symbolizes the beginning of healing and the rekindling of hope and joy after a period of loss and pain.
These stories start with a beginning, they have a middle, and then eventually an end. Our story telling framework provides a comprehensive guide for parents and children to express their experiences with estrangement and help build their story. It covers various stages, from the backstory and initial reactions to ongoing effects and support systems, offering insights and coping strategies. The goal is to facilitate understanding, self reflection, and eventual healing. You can walk it alone, or we can walk it with you. You are not alone in this.
I also want to say that The Finding Courage Project is more than just story telling, it’s about relationship building. We are a community of people, with a shared experience, and a road that is not meant to be traveled alone. We will be starting “Coffee Connections” in the Fall (Stay tuned for those dates and places) so we can get together and hang. No necessary structured agenda other than just being there for each other. Eventually, I would love to host a Golf Event (because that is my love language) and other activities that will serve to get us out of our heads and into relationship that creates opportunities to find some “Joy in the Waiting”. Trust me, it is simple, but it helps.
Until then, I would love to connect one on one, and hear your story, so that we might inspire each other by the little things that keep us both going. Or perhaps its just a cup of coffee, a listening ear, and a new connection.